Sunday, July 26, 2009

She had a very happy life

I know it's been a while since I updated, and I'm a little at a loss for what to write. I'm generally hesitant to get too personal with things online as it just seems like an inappropriate medium for that, for me. But with other blogs I'm following, if the author has had a loss, I've always taken the time to read about it out of respect to the author. I never felt it was wrong of them to share that online, so not sure why I myself am uncomfortable with it. But I also think that unless I do write about it, it would be impossible for me to just slip back into "okay, business as usual, everything is fine and normal... dum dee doo."

So, this past week was one of the hardest of my life. I lost my grandmother on the morning of July 20 (Monday). We were quite close, and she lived a long and wonderful life, I know. She was 90. She passed away peacefully (in her sleep, next to her husband, who loves her more than anything else in the whole world) and that was the most important thing to all of us. It was difficult having to hear over and over that "she's in a better place" and on the day of the funeral, the empasis on "this is a sad time but also a joyous time." I guess if you are religious, it helps to hear that. I'm just not one who can think that way... there was joy in the fact that she did not suffer, but for me, that's it. I see no joy in the fact that she's no longer with us. None.

The things I would say I've learned from her were to live life to the fullest and HAVE FUN. My grandmother was a party girl, loved to tell a good story, enjoy friends and family, and just have a good time no matter what she was doing. She was kind to everyone. When I was a kid, she was kind of like a kid, too. She'd tell me silly stories and laugh with me at all of the disgusting things (potty humor) that kids tend to laugh about. She was also quite the fashionista, which I sure do wish I had inherited some of. When I was growing up, she was always travelling with my grandfather to some place exotic... which is probably where my travel bug comes from. And she just had the best sense of humor. She loved comedy and loved to make people laugh. That's what she was all about.

I'm not usually one to tell others how to live their lives, but there is something I've done for a while now that I would advise others to consider, if they do not already live this way. It may be morbid, but in the back of my head there is always the awful nagging thought that every time I see someone it could be the last. I try to spend as much time with loved ones as I can. I try my best not to be too busy for them. I try not to put work over family. Try to make sure you don't have any regrets. Getting over the loss of a loved one is difficult enough without adding thoughts of "If only I hadn't been so busy... If only I had called more... If only I had visited one last time... If only I hadn't let that last call from them just go to voice mail" etc.

I even try to treat my pets this way. Pets don't live forever, and their humans are all they have. They depend on us for everything. While we have other friends and family to spend time with and enjoy, they don't. I try to make them as happy as I can because I know one day, they won't be here, and when that time comes, I don't want any regrets.


Doris Sturm said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Samantha, and it is your blog and quite appropriate for you to talk about what's on your mind. But, in a way, I do know what you mean about not putting all your personal stuff out there, but I'm sure that sooner or later we all have to cope with the loss of a loved one that meant a lot (pets included) and I totally agree in your philosophy about keeping regrets to a minimum. I wish I would have lived that lesson earlier in life, but it's never too late to learn.

Be well and God bless you!

katiev said...

your post was a very lovely tribute to your grandma. I'm so sorry for your loss. It hurts worst when we lose those we love the most. It's really quite unjust, but it is just one more testament to the huge joy they brought to our lives.

Samantha G said...

Thank you both for your kind words.

It seemed necessary to add this post into my blog since it is a little tiny bit of a window into my life, and I can't imagine going back and reading posts from this time frame and not seeing it at least acknowledged somehow...